One of the problems with attempting to write a weekly article is coming up with good material and finding time to actually write about it. Which brings up the second problem that those are actually two problems. Which then brings up the third problem that the second problem I referenced in previous sentence is really the third problem and this is really the fourth problem, which may be the fifth problem since the fourth problem I referred to as the third is the fourth at the start and the fifth in the second problem of the third problem that is really the fourth and should be partitioned out to the fifth problem -- which are problems six, seven and eight respectively. Though number seven and eight may be six and seven, since the numbers are entirely dependent upon whether six is really a problem, causing the problem of determining whether problem six is really a problem, which pushes six, seven and eight out to seven, eight and nine, unless problem six, now seven, is not really a problem, which causes problems seven and eight, now eight and nine, to really be problems seven and eight, which is really one less problem, eliminating problem ten, which may or may not be nine, dependent upon whether or not problem seven (formerly problem six seven, not might be eight seven) exists.
Where were we? Oh yes, how a bill becomes a law.
No... wait... that was an example of what happens to a bill when it goes on C-SPAN; this is about articles I was too lazy to write.
Anyway, as stated in the aforementioned problem(s), I don't have (m)any good ideas and even the one(s) I do have often don't really warrant a full 500-10,000 words, depending upon my attention span and the article's relationship to college football.
So, what does a writer do when he needs to produce something, anything, for a website that nobody reads? Unlike a band, he cannot release a live album, so he needs something else. Something that doesn't take too much work and still fills a lot of space in the browser window. The answer is, of course, to release a pseudo-collection of articles that don't really attach to anything and don't require me to complete any thoughts whatsoever. Which I'm going to do now.
This was going to be a post-graduation article, describing the fact that the White Stripes rock so much they should be studied by geologists. And, of course, this would be compared with the fact that my girlfriend is even more awesome because she bought me a copy of "Get Behind Me Satan" for my more recent college graduation. The rule-itude of the Stripes was, of course, further reinforced by their latest addition to their discography, surpassed only by the rule-itude of my girlfriend for buying it for me and continuing in her efforts to put up with me -- which the White Stripes do not have to do. However, I got bogged down in work, job hunting, and the fact that I have nothing intelligent to say on the topic of music. Then it got farther and farther away from graduation and I realized the moment was gone. Which is not to say the the White Stripes and my girlfriend do not rule, because they do......... dear.
This would have been a long complaint about the fact that I laugh more from commercials for GEICO than I do during the comedies that are supposed to be funny. But I never wrote it because I don't watch that much television, so I could not speak from a position of real knowledge or experience. But My Name Is Earl, The Office are pretty entertaining, so I guess it's not entirely awful. So I lost interest in the whole topic. Much in the same way I tend to lose interest in most television shows.
An entirely ridiculous diatribe about the fact that Cleveland drivers are incapable of changing lanes no matter what speed they are driving or what speed they want to drive. This would have been inspired by one morning of driving to work with a car glued to my bumper the entire way, as well as my father's highway habit of slamming down on the accelerator until he saw a car in front of him, then following that car closely until either it exited the highway or Dad did. But then I had a cup of coffee, relaxed and realized it wasn't interesting or thought-provoking or even remotely funny, so I forgot about it.
This article was conceptually interesting to only one person: me. And the rest of it would really be less interesting, even to me. The essential thrust of it is that the common literary trope of the noble savage was, in some ways, rendered obsolete by the fact that the noble savage is a non-white. However, the trope still existed, but it is unacceptable to make a non-white a savage of any kind, even a noble one who teaches the civilized man (or woman for that matter) what it is to be civilized. So, because the American Southerner is the only culture that can be considered sub-civilized in modern America, he has to take the role of the noble savage. Thus, Earl Hickey: the redneck (savage) who learned to change his ways and is teaching other people about karma and doing the right thing. Like I said, it's really not that interesting. But it is one of those strange reversals of situation that seem to surprise people.
Of course, this only works if we could get those suicide bombers to blow themselves up away from people and property. Then everything would be fine. Or if we could get suicide bombers to just blow up competing suicide bombers, we would solve the problem that much faster. But the idea would offend a lot of people, so I decided to just keep it to myself.
Probably the most supremely punchable man on earth. He's the smug bozo who plugs his dating website with the acorns stuffed in his cheek pouches. I actually get angry whenever I see his mug on the television. But I don't have more than a paragraph worth of bitching on the topic. See, I'm done.
For some reason, the fact that Roth's radio show wasn't popular was a major piece of news and it kept showing up on Yahoo and CNN.com. But the fact that nobody was listening was an indication that no one cared whether the show was on or not. So if it affected no one and no one cared, why was I hearing about it? Of course, this is really part of the "Americans Bored By Actual News" article that I wrote previously, so I didn't need to write it again. Oh, and there's only a paragraph of bitching in this one too.
There's a reason that most of my generation talks about the '80s the way that Baby Booomers talk about 'Nam ("We were young. We were innocent. We didn't know any better."); the decade blew donkey balls in about every way possible. The young people of today should not be subjected to the '80s. Nor, for that matter, should anyone else.
The title pretty much sums it up.
First movie: Awesome. Second movie: Average. Third movie: An excuse to show computer graphics. Fourth movie: Haven't seen it, so I won't judge and can't really write an article about it. I'm hoping that it does not continue the trend toward less and less character development, more and more pointlessly long "action" sequences, and an emphasis on screwing up the plot altogether.
Unfortunately, there is precious little good news that is actually news, so it seems that this is not coming to pass. It's a shame, because I think all of us could use some good news. But even when there is good news, it seems like people are pissed off because the news could be better. Which means that the attempts at good news usually take the form of heartwarming stories, which are not really good news. Personally, I can't take more heartwarming stories, since they usually take the form of triumph over tragedy. Or, even worse, a person triumphing in the face of odds that were in his/her favor anyway. In fact, I think I prefer bad news, fine thanks.