Chapter 15

I am not sure why it seemed like a good idea to knock on Lori’s door upon my return home. I wanted the answer to that nagging, "Why wasn’t she there?" that ran through my head from the moment I had left the gate. I did not know what I was going to say when I saw her. It could easily have been a stammering, confused collection of nonsensical phrases that all seemed to make sense to me as they bounced around my head, but had no particular order to them. Or it could have been a malevolent, infuriated deluge that spilled out of my mouth, befouling everything in its path, especially her. Fortunately, she was a nonpresent target at which to aim either possibility, so I walked downstairs after spending a few minutes intermittently rapping on her door.

The feeling passed soon enough. I did not see Lori in the building the next Saturday, so we did not keep our understood appointment to see Ray’s band. However, the next day, we arranged a days stroll through the city.

"I really do love Central Park," she said as we walked by a few softball games.

"It certainly is impressive," I agreed.

"The denizens of the city casting off their urbane cloaks to romp in the joys of nature, the metropolis about not detracting from the verdant splendors, but, by contrast, complementing them. Thoreau would be proud."

"If you say so," I allowed, not really sure how to respond to such a statement.

"Well, okay, maybe not proud. In actuality, he’d probably deride their unwillingness to live in a lean-to somewhere upstate, but I still like to think he would appreciate the effort."

"I take it you’ve read a lot of him?"

She smiled at me. Her hair fell over her shoulders, unfettered and casual. Her eyes alit on mine in a way I never tired of. "I can’t say as I’m that familiar with him. But, I have read him, yes."

"I’ll ask him his opinion on it next time I see him."

"You do that," she said as she wrapped her arm around mine.

I would have preferred to walk like that all day with her, but I knew at some point I had to broach the subject I mentioned next, "We missed you Sunday."

"Sunday?" she asked unsurely. I couldn’t tell if it was due to her not knowing what I was talking about or if she was ill at ease with the topic.

"Andrew’s flight to Europe."

"Oh," she answered with a slightly uncomfortable smile, "Yes, I wish I could have been there."

"I was kind of wondering why you weren’t."

"I figured I wouldn’t exactly be the most welcome person there."

"Why’s that?"

She explained rather hesitatingly, "I’m sure you’d heard us arguing before that. For about a week, every time we’d see each other, we’d have some sort of fracas. I was nervous every time I would come home because I knew things were going to blow up again. Finally, a few days before he left, things were getting back to normal. We’d actually been able to get along again and I didn’t want to risk losing that just when he was about to leave. I didn’t want angry words echoing in his ears when he got onto that flight. I wanted to be there but I didn’t want to lose..." She paused before continuing, "I couldn’t chance losing a friend like that. When he was about to be gone for three months, spitting more venom at each other would cause a lot of problems I didn’t want to try to deal with on an international phone call. Maybe, when he gets back, he’ll see why I’m going to do this and we can go on like we did before."

"I hope you’re right," I told her.

"Don’t worry, Tom, everything is going to be fine. Andrew is going to be back soon enough. We’ll all be a lot calmer and more sensible then," she told me assuredly.

"You’re not expecting to be engaged in three months?" I half-joked.

Lori looked at me in a way that could best be described as uneasily irritated. "Please don’t start with me too, Tom. All I’ve been hearing lately is why I shouldn’t marry Ray. I just don’t want to hear it right now."

I wanted to go on the attack, really put it to her that it was a stupid idea, but I just couldn’t. I could not bring on the verbal assault, especially because of the rift that had opened between her and Andrew after his foray. It was one I was sure he regretted.

"So when’s the wedding?" I asked, in an attempt to bring some normalcy back to the conversation.

"Well, we really haven’t talked about a date, but I hope it’s going to be soon."

I tried to make, "What’s your hurry?" sound like a relaxed question, but I do not think I was very successful. I tried to calmly follow it with, "I mean, you’re going to be just as engaged later, you might as well make sure you have a nice wedding."

She looked at me with an expression that was trying not to be defensive. "Don’t worry Tom, I’m not worried about wedding plan type things. But I am anxious to start the next part of my life. It’s right there, Tom, I can see it. And I want it to finally arrive."

"I guess that’s hard for the rest of us to understand," came out of my mouth before I managed to stop it.

She looked up at me. "Don’t worry about me, Tom, I’m happy. I really am happy. Just trust me, okay? This is what I’ve wanted for a long time."

I smiled weakly at her, "I guess that’s kind of the point." I paused. "You know, I never really congratulated you on your engagement."

She looked at me with a hopeful expression. "I’m waiting."

"Congratulations," I told her with a forced smile.

She smiled back at me and told me, "Thanks," she gave me a quick hug around the waist, "you’re the first person to tell me that."

She continued holding onto my arm as we walked by a mirrorlike pond, careful not to tread upon the serenity.